Life in a Nutshell

Life in a nutshell. Great song. I love BNL, but the whole concept of tying your life up into one neat little package is difficult. People are complicated.

Take for example my friend from Cambridge. Haven't seen him in years...almost an excommunication, of sorts, and yet when I talk to him or email him it's like we were before he left. Now, there are things that he's done that I know nothing about, me as well, so trying to tie us up in a nutshell would be fruitless (I mixed a metaphor, or a fruit and a nut...literary trail mix). We are too far gone to be where we were fifteen years ago, but we accept our points of divergence and move on.

I have another friend who compulsively pushes away people who are close to her, choosing, rather, to run through her own personal hell solo. Now I'm sure she's tried to enlist help from people, but, for whatever reason, in the long run she resists and spirals along alone, bombadiering down the slopes and cliffs and crevaces of her own issues. No nutshell can tie up all of her secrets or her complexities. That's life.

Strange. Yet, a nutshell, if you can get one, I suppose is handy for collecting all of your problems and anxieties and summing you up nicely. Maybe they're good for helping you put it all in perspective, too. I'll let you know when I get mine.

Last stanza of BNL's song...

I fell down
With no one there to catch me from falling
Then she came round
And only her tenderness stopped me from bawling my eyes
out
Im ok...

Those guys are optimists, too!

Summer Air

School's out. First weekend of freedom. I worked my tail off on the yard, which felt good in reality. Still in the mode, though, of work and stress and the rush towards graduation- and tomorrow still feels like a school day; I need to unwind.

I have been so narcissistic lately, which is coming back to haunt me in my personal life in some pretty drastic, unforeseen ways. I suppose this is a good start for me, getting the cards on the table. The last time I did that, getting the cards on the table, I ended up taking this delightful journey that really still has me spinning, so it really is a positive thing. I just wasn't prepared for it so suddenly.

Onward into the void. And I still have curriculum work to do tomorrow at school, anyways.

Altitude

I have been reconsidering my story. So much has happened this year, especially at the end, that the whole idea of finishing a story has been an indulgence I couldn't afford. Now, staring down the butt end of the school year with its requisite softball games and graduation ceremonies, I can unclench a bit and let the juices flow again.

It feels good, really, to get back to something so esoteric as writing. Even this blog is welcome respite from the other public venues that I have to communicate in (report cards, emails to concerned/angry parents); at least here I can ruminate on the act of writing and not feel that I'm sounding like a zealot (well, that's a risk I'll take). So, with that in mind, I've been reflecting on altitude.

Narrative altitude allows me to rise above the story. As the draft stands now, it's a first perosn confessional. Too close, I suppose. I need to give my main character a bit of room to be surprised...I want to see his reaction to events, but not necessarily from ground zero. The higher I get (3rd person), the easier it is to see him as a character, not as a person. Helps me get away from him, too. As I've mentioned before, it's tough when you get so close to a character, and I'm afraid I have. Time to float.

Of course that means a pretty extensive rewrite. Thank God it's summer. I'll have the time. No more angry parents, right?

Not Having

I am normally not an impatient man, but there are some things that just get to me, and sometimes I feel that I have to have something right then and there. It's always hard to not have what you want, or feel that you're a long ways from ever realizing that certain something. Writing, teaching (aka a job), personal life, it can come in a variety of forms, but the not having when it comes to any of these things really hurts.

Have at it again, Kurt. So it goes.

Welcome to the wonderful world of adulthood. I'm going to bed with Vonnegut and Slaughterhouse Five. Billy Pilgrim is one funny dude.